Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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