i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Your cock deserves a montage
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
