That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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