he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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