Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Randomize
