can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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