using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize