apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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