Got a toothbrush?
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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