my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Randomize
