sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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