I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
