i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
