Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
