I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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