I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize