I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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