She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
