Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize