No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
