my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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