Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize