so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
My feet surprised me
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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