oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
