home. puking in laundry basket.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize