I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
