How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
