i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
