I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
