oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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