just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
is that a dick in a sweater?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
