I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
