She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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