You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
