i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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