brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize