It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
