Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
