You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize