Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
