oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
