Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
