he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
