I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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