Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
