I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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