I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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