Christians are straight up FREAKS
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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