You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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