I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Found your dick twin last night
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Randomize
