It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
