she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
