I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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