my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
