The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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