weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
